I have never been more lonely in my life, then this summer. I guess it’s a combination of Jon being gone, no one living on campus but me this summer, and then my car breaking down…and the end of mine and my twins relationship. I deleted her off facebook, and I’m done with letting her hurt me…but that hurts me more than ANYTHING. I’m tired of being let down. I’m tired of spending mornings by myself. I’m tired of asking people to drive me places. I’m tired of only getting to talk to my boyfriend, my BEST FRIEND, for only 5 minutes a day. I’m tired of feeling lonely. 

My friend from work, who is so great, asked me if I was okay yesterday. Oh my gosh, I wear my emotions on my face and I hate it. I said no, because I trust her. Later we were alone in the office, and I told her a little of what was going on, and she was so wise in her response. She really encouraged me. Then, late last night, she sent me a facebook message. She said: “i just thought you could use some encouragment. Ecclesiastes says ¨There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven¨ and i guess right now you have a growing seaosn ahead of you. Just like growing pains suck as a kid, growing pains suck as an adult too, with all of the lessons that come as we continue life. But God is always there with you- He will never leave you or forsake you, no matter how hard it gets. 

I can see that there have been some big changes for you in your life, but realize that God has something bigger planned than you or anyone else can see. Trust Him through these changes- lean on Him, talk with Him, pray to Him… He´ll bring you through 

I am praying for you. hang in there chica 

¨Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.¨ “

I loved that she said that about growing pains. I really relate to analogies. I am hurting so much, but PRAISE THE LORD. Because today I am stronger. Because tomorrow I’ll be stronger. Maybe I’ll be more broken tomorrow, but I’ll also be stronger. I’m trying not to focus on the loneliness and the pain I feel, but it’s a work in progress. I feel like I have little value, but I know that the Lord has great value for me. I am worth every second of His time. I just need to focus on that, and I know the Lord will hold me in His arms and love on me every step of the way.

I’m tired.

Frustrated.

Lonely.

Discouraged.

And I don’t even have the ability to focus on one subject long enough to actually pray. I’m so tired I can’t think right. Lord Jesus, pull me through tomorrow.

I’m just so sad that I didn’t get to see one of the most important people in my life tonight.

Time to go see another.

Chloe Thorne, I don’t know what I’m going to do without you. I want you to know that while the others might say they miss you, my heart will actually ache that I can’t just go hang out with you. I’ve already talked to Jon about moving to Kansas City- I’ll look for a good grad school up there. My beautiful friend, while they might remember you, there won’t be a part of me that doesn’t miss you. I don’t say that lightly. You’ve been there for me through so much, I’ve trusted you with more secrets than almost anyone- definitely sooner than anyone. I am so happy that I got to be there for you through your relationship with Thomas, and I’m so glad that I’ll get to be a part of your wedding- regardless of how big a part it is or anything. I promise you that I will ALWAYS be the friend who goes on weekend trips with you to thrift store shop, or to go take pictures. I will always JUMP at the chance to do ANYTHING for you, NO MATTER how inconvienient it may be for me. I will ALWAYS lift you up to the Lord. I love you, dear friend, forever and always.